marooned (re'mastered)

the promise of mental forays into territories ignored;
I'm excited I took this call;
lets question the x+y’s of our tired lives;
let’s mock the quo like it doesn’t affect our strife
let’s pretend like we’re invictus and reality won’t evict us
from our high horses, while we sing along to bands that don’t even exist yet,
We'll make music of our own tapping our feet to the beat, swearing that’s what music ought to be.
We’ll pant to that chant that’s made more rounds around the sun than songs have been sung
and convince ourselves that our connection is better than others, because ours is a land unchartered.
We’ll lie to ourselves that our ideas are grand,
scheming our next thought on what’s fickle because it’s all fickle; what’s under the sun;
they flicker, bloom and die, we all die
but for now, we’ll stay locked up in your room    only coming up for air to stare at your walls of maroon                                                                    we’ll leave the world on your doorstep,        fighting to invade our space with reality’s wet blanket, but it’ll take only our sunsets                    to expressly relieve us from these four walls of our non-confinement.

Misunderstood

Baby, do you understand me now
Sometimes I feel a little mad
Well, don't you know that no-one alive
Can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad

I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never meant to take it out on you
Life has it's problems and I've got my share
And that's one thing I never meant to do

'Cause I love you
Baby, don't you know I'm just human
And I've thoughts like any other man
And sometimes I find myself alone and regretting
Some foolish thing, some foolish thing I've done

But I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never meant to take it out on you…

Nina Simone

hogwash

My art espouses the paradoxically preeminent conundrum that art is simultaneously an expression and a critiqie of... *record scratch* 

Fuck that! This is a look into my head; what it's like, the things unsaid. It is not a political statement about the deteriorating state of the world. The world will go the way of the hand basket because 7 billion odd people are goading it on. I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with the inevitable crash of 7 billion people perpetuating trash. 

in absentia

I'm alone, but my heart feels like it's in deep conversation with another. I have this nagging feeling that I could turn around and see them standing there; my company in absentia.

Maybe it's the music. 

Maybe the melody is one I have grown so familiar with, it feels like an old friend, talking to me. Telling me, "you're not alone. Never really." 

sigh

It's the people I don't want who keep giving me the attention I need. 

gasp

holding on to him for dear life, he took my breath away

I cried

I cried today.

For the first time since I was in university

When some pained soul cruelly tossed a part of his misery in my face after my offer of help.

I cried then, deeply, from my spirit; body wracking sobs that purged the toxicity from my being. 

I cried the same again today,

I purged the toxicity of having to hold my head up through my misery

I cried to rid myself of the misguided feeling that I had something to prove to anyone. 

I cried, not because a movie made me sad

Not because I felt the pain of the world.

I cried because for the first time in a long time, I felt my own pain; allowed myself to feel vulnerable to myself.

I cried, deep, body-wracking sobs

I cried the one dimensional, strong black woman trope out of my system.