It's complicated

Human relationships are complicated. Everybody says that but I have found a new perspective it it. I do think human relationships are still complicated but But I think most people handle it well. Not me. My new perspective therefore is this: my relationship with human relationships is what is complicated. I know, I would like a better explanation of it myself

Found

I don't set out to make friends, I don't encourage it; Lord knows I actively go out of my way to avoid them. But somehow, no matter where I go, good friends find me. Not to worry though, it only takes me about a year to be rid of them.

something stupid

I am going to let my loneliness lead me unto a path of stupidity. I can see it now, two weeks down the line, (after I have been reminded that I can't breathe when he looks at me; not out of infatuation but out of overwhelming disgust) my heart skips every time my phone beeps because I dislike being hounded. Endurance, lonely heart; don't be a damned fool.

The virtue of solitude

It's still surreal, me living on my own. In the middle of the night, when I get up to pee, I marvel that I am not scared shitless that there's no one else around. I talk to myself a lot too, but that's nothing new. My Mother says that's where my creativity comes from; I think it's the beginning of Alzheimer's. But in essence, I'm not really talking to myself. I have conversations with someone else... in my head. It's not an imaginary person. I mean, he's not there presently but he does exist. And I know his speech patterns so I just fill in for him. It helps me think and I know no one is going to walk in on me asking, `who are you talking to?` I'm also more focused now, I made a promise to read one chapter every morning; I've been religious for 3 weeks. I am never religious about anything for more than a week. If I make it past week four, I'll add running and ...something else to my regimen. Finally! I am truly independent and the feeling is ... I'll let you know

Orchestra

The conductor, the music, the crescendos, the dips, the violin concertos and the clashing cymbals, you are everything

Lost in communication

I understand more than you know
The words just get stuck in my throat
Blocked by fear
Prevented from ever hitting the air
But they are the things I should say
Because they are the things that hold sway
With you the right words at the right time count
How unfortunate that when it matters my brain confounds

Fast Cars

As far as social interactions go, I believe I could be the Hennessey Venom F5; I can go from "I want to build a life with you" to  "your face disgusts me" in less than 30 seconds.