Being unmarried and childless, it shouldn't be a problem. Less so also because both my parents are no longer with us and will not be expecting these from me.
I am wont to think that I have accomplished very little in my 7 year expedition of living on my own. I say that because I had obscure dreams of returning back home to my mother alive and well with husband and at least 1 offspring in tow.
It was not to be.
But as life teaches those who are willing to learn, progress is progress whether it fails to live up to your warped vision or not.
I left home an obstinate 34 year old who was essentially a practising atheist. I did think there must be a God but I lived my life unsure of Him and therefore, without him in my daily life. I barely thought about Him until I was in trouble and even then, I tried to bargain with him instead of fully surrendering.
Living my life like there was no God showed in the way I treated myself and others. I was selfish and guarded and wanted to be liked but too proud to like people back.
In my 7 years away I learned what it meant to be lonely, it got so bad sometimes that I'd be physically cold on a warm April day. This loneliness that drove me to one of the most shameful things I had ever done; date a married man.
I learned what it was to be addicted; I was essentially a pothead, getting high of weed and the terrible decisions that came with it.
I learnt what it meant to starve, during the COVID outbreak, I had to do with much less money than I was used to spending. I essentially starved for a whole month and lost so much weight, my friend was alarmed when she saw me and went shopping for food items to hold me over.
I learned what it meant to mourn like my heart was shattered to pieces when both my parents died in the same year and opened up a gaping hole of grief I didn't even know existed.
But in the midst of this painful life, I also learned something I had been running away from. I learned who I am; the crowning glory of the creation of God.
Why I'm here; to bring glory and honour to the one who created me.
Why I felt so wretched and did such wretched things; because I was created for God's glory but I am alienated and hostile in mind and heart to Him and therefore living for my own glory. Dissonance.
So I may be moving back home single and childless, but I'm so much more than I use to be.
I learned who I am and asked for forgiveness. I learned that treating people with respect and dignity and love covered a multitude of sins. I learned that I didn't have to be selfish because royalty has trust in abundance by virtue of their standing in life and I am standing in the bossom of The King. I learned that God gives and God takes away.
God orders our steps and has a plan and if you give yourself up to him, he will be a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path. And because of this knowledge and trust, whether you think you achieved what you set out to or not, you will always find rest back home.
Let the story begin.
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